With Recent Events... Comes Uncertainty
The reason I started this blog is to write the things I don't want to put directly on my social media. I have no problem being open with my thoughts but I'm sure it would run so many people off, and just upset others. Anyway I've noticed most people just ignore my blogs anyway...
The truth is I've been barely hanging on to hope. There's no where to turn for good advice or help when you get right down to it. I haven't known who to trust for so long. I've been in so many self-destructive patterns, how does the cycle end?
I lost my job at Village Inn last month at a time when things were looking so much better. I could see it coming though, but that didn't matter. The bosses there had it in for me for quite some time, even going as far as planning to get rid of me behind back talking to the corporate offices. It's difficult for me to keep my opinions to myself when my bosses act like dipshits and leave me with having to accept responsibility for their shortcomings and mess ups to the customers... Just messed up shit! Before I lost that job, I had money put away and had been acquiring some music equipment and computer stuff so I could finally get to a place where I could thrive. Now, it seems like everything is up in the air again. It's like I took three steps forward and now, I feel I've lost so much ground and that I'm on the verge of losing everything. I was able to pay my utilities but I didn't have enough for rent... Damn, and just a month and half ago, everything looked so bright. I've kept myself in a decent head space until recently. The hardest thing's daily survival, I mean I've got nothing to fall back on... at least I've got a job...
*I put myself in this position, I get what I deserve and Karma's a bitch* I've heard it all... I tend to get that sort of thing reiterated by those supposedly closest to me... I swear the attitude of most people can tear you up and make you feel even worse. Negativity from others has always bred negativity in me... It's got so bad this time that I've broken ties with my mother, which I didn't want and was terribly difficult. My mother made sure to tell me everything she believes is wrong with me before she told me to never contact her again... I mean I'm not saying that I disagree with her but it didn't help me at all. Actually it hurt to the core, but I had to ask her for help for the sake of my wife and son . This last month, I've just barely kept from my wife and son too, I mean honestly... if I can't keep a residence, I'd never want them living on the streets with me...
I have determination enough to not give up luckily. Will life be like this until I die? I sure hope not, especially for my wife and son's sake. I don't consider myself a bad person, and I don't ever go out of my way screw people over and I try extremely hard to just get the negative thoughts and feelings out of me as quickly as possible. I don't feel like a victim or that anyone owes me a damn thing. Honestly, I just think that life's not easy for anyone but some people are just never going to get ahead in life, for very long. I'm sure the problem lies somewhere inside of me and I'll always be oblivious to it... if that's true, ignorance is truly not bliss.
I'm a strange guy, and I definitely overthink shit. I'm done holding these thoughts inside myself... I don't think that keeping my negativity inside myself has ever done any good. So, there it is... a piece of the downright dark and negative side of myself... I don't think anyone will read this but if you do, just know that I'm okay, I won't do anything stupid and I hopefully will be doing much better soon...
I love my wife and son, they are my main reason for wanting to do my best, despite the grim situations and negativity of others outside our little family...
-Jimi Peak
2 comments:
You should definitely disagree with your mother. She's a narcissist and feeds on your pain and suffering, which is why she told you what she really thinks of you, that she doesn't give a shit about you, and why she's abused you your entire life. HER OPINION OF YOU IS WORTHLESS GARBAGE, NOT FACT, and should be regarded as such.
YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL HUSBAND AND AN EVEN BETTER FATHER. YOU ARE WONDERFULLY GIFTED, INCREDIBLY TALENTED, HIGHLY INTELLIGENT, AND YOU ARE NOT ANY OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS YOUR MOTHER SAID TO YOU OR ABOUT YOU.
I have no idea what would possess a mother to say and do such horrendous things to her own flesh and blood. That is NOT how a mother loves her child. That is monstrous! No one deserves to be treated like that, not even the narcissist herself. I stand behind your decision to remove her from your life. I hate to see it, but toxic people are simply no good to anyone. You've already done so well without her whispering in your ear that you should off yourself. You've got a much better job, you're more positive, you're actually enjoying life now, and you even look healthier. It's amazing what a toxic narcissist actually has the power to do controlling another human being by commanding such pain and suffering in order to feed their own ego. I only know because I was married to one for 14 years. The saddest part is that they actually think they're right. They're not. They are so wrong. And your mother couldn't be more wrong about you.
You are a priceless gift to your son and your wife, and don't you ever forget it!!
And if anyone gets butthurt over my comment praising my husband the way he deserves to be praised, then maybe you should go kick rocks with the other narcissists. Y'all could have a pity party about how mean I am defending my great and awesome man. If my husband had any praise as a kid, instead of worthless negativity, name-calling, and just all-around toxic garbage spewed at him, he wouldn't have felt so down on himself in the first place. Why don't YOU think about THAT!!
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